Being A Man

Tonight I was flipping through the channels and came across one of my favorite episodes of "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." This episode is not one of the funniest ones, but instead it is one of the greatest commentaries on society and being a man I have ever seen. It is also, in my estimation, some of, if not the, best acting Will Smith has ever put on display.

So, here is the synopsis. Lou Smith, Will's long-lost father, jumps into the picture for the first time in 14 years. Lou is a truck driver and finds Will during a trip to L.A. Suddenly, Will's dream has come true...daddy's home. This causes some painful friction with Uncle Phil as Will wants his Daddy to be what Will missed for a decade and a half. At the end, we see Lou bail on Will again, then Will reacts as most teens would. He got angry, indignant, then let the pain come through in one of the most powerful lines in television history..."How come he don't want me, man?"

I have seen this episode several times, and it still makes me emotional and feel for the millions of kids who live without fathers everyday. Having worked in the childcare industry, I have seen the damage bad parenting, as well as a complete lack of parenting, can cause children. And this episode of "Fresh Prince" just rings home so true.

In life, for a guy, there are a few defining decisions that will determine who you really are. Sometimes those are small decisions, sometimes they are life-changing decisions. However, there is usually only one choice that a true, real man will make.

Some of the big decisions are based on relationships with people in your life. For instance, no MAN has ever hit his wife/girl friend/fiance. Yes, there are males who hit females, but, I say again, no MAN has EVER hit a woman. In my book, you officially lose your right to call yourself a man the second you lay your hand on your woman.

Next, no MAN sits on his rear end and does nothing to better himself and the lives of those he cares about. A male who waits on a free check, or spends all his time drunk or high, or otherwise wastes his life and does not work to provide, he is not a real MAN. Now, let me clarify, if there is a family unit in which the wife has a career and the man is a stay at home daddy, as long as that daddy works to keep the house operating and provides discipline and structure and love for the kids, then that man is providing for his family. However, the drunk/high, loser sitting at home not taking care of what needs done is not, in my book, a man.

Then we get to the point of the show, and that is no MAN ever, ever up-and-abandoned his family. No MAN ever left his child in the rearview mirror to fend for him- or herself in life. Daddy is, in many ways, just as important as mommy in the development of a child. Daddy needs to be there. No MAN ever left that responsibility behind. If you are someone who left his child or children behind, you, sir, are not a man. If you didn't do everything you possible could to be in your child or children's life/lives, you are not a man.

I just needed to get that off my chest. Our society is in a severe shortage of real men. We are in a desperate need for daddies. If you are man enough to have sex, you better be man enough to be there for the kids you create. They need you.

Don't ever be the kind of person who leads a kid to ask, "Why don't he want me, man?"